Joely Fisher Encourages Domestic Adoption

Joely Fisher Encourages Domestic Adoption

After adopting a newborn baby girl in September from the US, Joely Fisher spoke to Star magazine about her adoption, and the importance of adopting children domestically.

“I always thought that I would adopt. I’ve had many friends go into China, Africa or wherever [to adopt]. I went to Africa — not in search of a baby, as Ambassador for Save the Children — and they don’t really want you to take their children. They want to sustain. They want to have a way to keep their countries prospering and have happy, healthy children. It’s tough over there.”

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So Joely, who has two older sons – Cameron, 24, and Colin, 22 – from a previous relationship, and two daughters – Skylar, 7, and True, 2 – with current husband Chris Duddy, decided to adopt domestically instead, and they didn’t look any further than their home state.

“There are 70,000 children in foster care in the state of California,” she says. “That’s 7-0. It’s unbelievable! There are many children in our own city that need parents.”

The family welcomed Olivia Luna Fisher-Duddy into their family soon after, and everyone is totally in love,

“They’re great big sisters — they’re totally in love. And they have two big, big brothers too. So it’s a big, crazy family.”

Photo: Flynet

Filed under: Joely Fisher

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  1. Anonymous

    There are children all over the world that need a good home. You can adopt one from your own city, your own state, or another country all together. It doesn’t matter were they come from, all that matters is what type of love and security they will be given.

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  2. Many people go to other countries because of the adoption laws in the US. I didn’t even consider adopting from the US because the thought of a birth mother or father coming back and taking the child was incomprehensible to me. There ARE many children in the USA in need of homes but there are children all over the world that need homes, too. My two children were adopted from Guatemala…a third world country. Guatemalan adoptions have recently closed and there is no place for these children to go and one in five of them will die before they are five years old. Government aid over there is non-existent so these children have hopeless lives ahead of them.

    Yes, these countries would like to keep the children in there own countries but unfortunately they don’t have the resources to. I think that this was a very uneducated statement on Joely’s part. at least the children here in America have a chance. Children who are up for adoption in these third world countries DON’T have a chance.

    I’m not trying to say that we should all adopt internationally because the children are worse off in these other countries, I’m just saying that they deserve a loving home, too.

    I also find it funny when people tell me that we should have adopted domestically rather than internationally. It makes me want to say to them, “Well, you should have adopted instead of giving birth to your children”. Nobody has a right to tell anyone how to go about having their children and IF they do adopt the have no right to tell someone where to “get” them from.

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  3. Holly G, those are my feelings, as well. The mortality rate for children under 5 in third world countries is astounding. Children in the US are not going to get sick and die from a completely preventable disease; children in third world countries do every day. Add to that the extremely long wait here in the US, especially if you’re looking to adopt an infant, and then, the thought of a relative popping up somewhere and taking the child back…

    A child is a child, regardless of where they come from, and where you choose to adopt from is an incredibly personal decision that no one has the right to question. That’s how I see it.

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  4. Holly I agree with you. I understand what Joely is saying and it is good that the people there want to keep the children in their own country but if that means that many of those children will die before they reach adulthood I think the better choice is still to give them a chance to live, even if in another country.

    The truth also is that there is so much corruption in African countries. We have been sending million and millions of dollars to that continent for years but hardly see any change. This money disapears in the pockets of officials a lot of the time and is used to keep their wars going. It might take another 100 years (or might never happen) before that continent will be able to sustain their own children, the children that are in dying in orphanages now can’t wait for that.

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  5. I also talked to Chinese people about the many adopted Chinese children in the Netherlands and they said those children were lucky because the will grow up in a rich country.

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  6. Mina

    Americans cannot save the world. we cannot help everyone. we should help those we have here. children in the american foster care system do die. they die of neglect every day. and the ones who do not die are still more often than not neglected and abused as well. They rarely recover from the emotional abuse that they go through, and often times end up in the system as adults because they end up being arrested and put in jail.

    if more was done to help children in the system now, more money could go to educating our children, because the jails would not be as full.

    I would never think about adopting abroad. i do not judge those who did, but our country could be so much better if we stopped focusing on saving the world and started focusing on saving those around us, who are already americans and deserve just as much of a chance to thrive.

    Reply
    • Mandi

      I totally agree with you Mina!
      I was adopted when I was almost 11 years old. So I beilive that if more childrn would be from with in the US, there won’t be half as many people in are jails as we speak.
      I also don’t judge those who do adopted else where but I think I’d rather help out a child that is in the same problms I was in as a child. Also, I could relate to their pain as well….
      So, I send my congrads to those who do adopted & I thank all of you for help keepng those of who couldn’t fend for ourselves.

      Reply
  7. Karen

    I adopted internationally. I didn’t want to save the world, or even save a child. I wanted to be a mom, and this was that best fit for our family.

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  8. Mina,

    May I ask you if you have children and if so were they adopted through the American foster care system? Or when you do plan to have children will you adopt your children through the foster care system. You have NO RIGHT to judge anyone unless you walk a mile in their shoes.

    Does your comment only apply to those who adopt or to everyone? Well then…I guess everyone should adopt from the foster system then…or should only those of us who can’t have biological children adopt from the foster care system? Why should I be told to adopt through the foster care system instead of another country just because I want to adopt. I’m pretty sure you don’t realize how hypocritical your comment is.

    Do you realize that the children in the foster care system are usually so neglected and abused that they NEVER recover no matter how much love and care they are given.

    And do you actually think I adopted my two children from Guatemala so that I could save them??? If I we would have told our social worker that(whether it be domestic or international) she would have IMMEDIATELY declined our petition to adopt. People DO NOT adopt internationally to save the world.

    We DID NOT adopt our children to save them…to the contrary they saved me. There is NOTHING wrong with adopting internationally. And there is nothing wrong with wanting a healthy child. Some people are equipped to care for the abused and neglected children but other people are not. A child is a child no matter where he/she comes from…an INNOCENT child!

    My children will grow up with a real chance at life instead of living in the garbage dump of Guatemala city or begging on the sidewalks for money or being rented out to sell beads on the streets or even worse…dying before the age of five because they don’t have proper immunizations or food to put in their bellies. These children have NO HOPE and NO CHANCE at life unless they are adopted. The children here in the USA DO have a chance, in fact they are given every opportunity possible to help them overcome their past. They may not be living in ideal situations BUT they have the help of specialists, they have food in their bellies, they are immunized and they get an education(through college if they so please). They also DO deserve a family and a home BUT with someone who is willing to take on that kind of responsibility, it’s only fair to them.

    Best wishes to you no matter how you decide to have children.

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  9. One more thing…don’t you find it EXTREMELY hypocritical of Joely Fischer to spout on about how many children are in the foster care system and she happened to adopt a NEWBORN baby! If she is so pro-US foster care adoption then maybe she should have adopted through the foster care system and let another loving family adopt her baby girl because you know that there are MANY people ready, willing and able to take a newborn and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Everyone deserves the right to have a healthy child if they so choose, no matter who they “do it”.

    Reply
  10. That was supposed to read HOW they “do it”.

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  11. I would also like to point out that, on CBB, they noted that within TWO WEEKS she’d been matched with an INFANT. Sorry, how can that possibly compare to the people who wait months, even years, for a child, whether they’re from here or abroad?

    Reply
  12. Nicole,

    Money talks. Also, why didn’t she adopt through the foster care system instead of giving birth to her youngest less than two years ago? This makes my blood boil. Does she realize how this makes her look?

    Reply
  13. Stephanie

    That’s great to say “adopt from foster care” but most people who have looked into (and clearly this celebrity has not as she adopted a newborn infant through voluntary relinquishment by the birthmother) realize that MOST children in foster care are NOT available for adoption.

    They are in foster care as a temporary measure while their parent(s) make changes in their lifestyle.

    Celebrities PRETEND for a living. I wish they would remember that and stop acting as ambassadors for cause after cause as though they are actually educated in the matter.

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  14. This is a ridiculous piece of “journalism.” Are we to believe that she is passionate about foster care adoption, even though that’s clearly not how she chose to grow her family? This whole story doesn’t even make sense. Her adoption story has nothing to do with foster care adoption!

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  15. Mina

    Thank you for judging me. I appreciate it. I not only work with foster care children for a living, working on studies that will help further and improve their cause, my husband and i have adopted three children, one infant and two seven year olds from the United States. Not only that, but I am a foster care alum. A foster care alum who was available for adoption. Who no one adopted, because people are too busy adopting from other countries.

    And that is entirely hypocritical of telling her that SHE is being hypocritical. She adopted a child that would more than likely be put into the foster care system if no one adopted it. Therefore she prevented a child from having to go through the horrors of the system before she was even put there.

    It also makes me wonder about the government when people obviously have no idea how horrible the system is. I did not get all of my immunizations until i was an adult and got them for myself. I was not able to go to college because my social worker did not tell me about the scholarships I was eligible for. She did not tell me much of anything actually. So i had no health care (which i was eligible for), no education (which i was eligible for) and virtually no future. I lucked out in that i met the wonderful man who is now my husband and he supported me and helped me with all of it.

    My success story is NOT typical. As mentioned before, I work on studies that look into flaws in the system in hopes of pointing them out and getting attention to them so that they are fixed. Studies show that social workers can only have 5 cases if they want to actually do their jobs thoroughly and correctly. Most of them are given 20-30 cases, so way too many things slip through the cracks.

    Yes, money talks. It is obvious that is how she got paired with a child that fast. Her case is obviously not typical. But there is NOTHING wrong with adopting from the United States, or encouraging others to do so. I completely agree that there are a ton of children in the foster care system who are not eligible for adoption. But there are still hundreds of thousands that are eligible.

    As for the children who never recover from foster care, you are right. there is an unfortunate number who do not. One day i had a child say to me, “It does not matter if you love me. I am never going to trust you. People have loved me before, but they have always left me too.” My heart broke that day in a way that i have never felt it break before. But if they had been pulled from the system at an earlier age. If they had been adopted they would not have as big of trust issues.

    I think it is great that all of you have adopted, no matter where they are from. You are right. A child is a child no matter where they are from, and you are COMPLETELY right when you say that your children have the power to save you.

    All I am saying is that the US system is not as peachy keen as some of you seem to think, and there is nothing wrong with adopting from the United States, and there would be substantially less problems in the nation if more people did adopt locally. Adopting those who are eligible for adoption will provide more help for those who cannot be adopted and have the possibility of being reunited with their family.

    It is so horrible to call someone a hypocrite because they have both adopted AND had biological children. How can you even think about saying that. All she is saying is if every family adopted one child in addition to the children they already have, wouldn’t the world be such a better place?

    She said in her experience, she dealt with a government about children and adoption, and that government expressed the fact that they want to keep their children. How can you say that is not educated? She made her own decision, you made yours. You are upset that she does not agree with what you did, but you are not agreeing with what she did? I once again bring up your use of the word hypocritical . . .

    Reply
  16. Andrea

    I am guessing that because she was matched with an infant SO quickly, that this was a private adoption, and not a true foster care case. There is a world of difference between a PRIVATE domestic adoption and a FOSTER/ADOPT situation. Yes, they are both domestic, but seriously-you can’t even begin to compare them.

    I am glad that she has adopted-I think more people should. However, let’s be honest about HOW the adoption occurred, rather than making it sound like it would be something the REST of us regular joes would do.

    And my son was also adopted internationally-I did it because I wanted to be a mom, period. My son has saved ME, not the other way around.

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  17. Cameo

    Adoption is not for everyone. Domestic adoption is great. International adoption is great. I adopted internationally because it was right for us. A lot of people consider it the “in” thing to do and it really makes me angry when they say that. I did it because it was what was going to make me a mom. I wanted to be a mom, period. Oh, and FYI, most international adoptions are kids from foster care, lets not forget that. And those are the lucky ones, the ones who are in good foster homes. Some are from orphanages who come home with their own problems, as was the case with my daughter. So for you to say that we need to realize we can’t “save the world”, well, that is offensive and that is what I take issue with. I’m not trying to save the world, I was purely selfish and saved myself from a childless existence. You say that you would never think of adopting internationally. Fine. But don’t tell me that I would be doing more good by adopting a foster child here in the US.

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  18. Mina

    I’m not saying you did more or less good. i’m saying it is offensive to me that people have no right to get mad at someone for trying to get people to adopt domestically.

    i do not get upset when people try to say adopt internationally as long as they don’t say that that is the only way or the best way. those are the ones who are trying to save the world.

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  19. Dori

    I adopted BOTH international and domestic. I think it’s fine that Joely adopted this little girl, she have a life of everything she’ll ever want….given more then what most can give. I find it odd though that more and more celebratries are adopting newborn babies instead of out of foster care? Why is that??? There are THOUSANDS of infertile couples in America that would JUMP at the opportunity to adopt a newborn baby of any race or gender. Why are celebratries (most who have young children of their own) adopting these children. They SHOULD be adopting from the foster care system. THEY have the means to provide the care these children need.
    I don’t like how what famous people adopt they act like they saved the world. These beautiful newborn babies would have been adopted by others waiting YEARS to have children.
    I agree with Holly G….I didn’t “save” my children, they SAVED me!

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  20. Andrea

    Mina-I think that point that we’re all trying to make is that Joely Fisher likely did not adopt from foster care. So when someone says, “Why don’t you adopt domestically from foster care like XXX Celebrity”, it really offends those of us who have adopted internationally. Because XXX Celebrity likely did NOT adopt from the foster care system. They likely adopted from a private agency, which most people cannot afford to do. So, it’s not that we’re disagreeing with you, that adoption from foster care IS a great option, and if more people did it, especially for children in the foster care system then things would be different. Would the system still be broken if everyone who adopted internationally adopted domestically? WHO KNOWS. But, please do not encourage “domestic adoption like she did” when she DID NOT adopt through the foster care system. And if she did, it was the fastest parent rights relinquishment I’ve ever seen, even in California.

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  21. Andrea – you’re right, she did not adopt from the foster care system, she was chosen by a birth mother who had given birth the day before.

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  22. Mina

    She most certainly did adopt domestically, first of all, get your facts straight. That child was an American citizen from birth, which was all that matters. And I do not think A list celebrities should necessarily adopt from the foster care system. Children that are actually in the foster care system are sometimes so broken that they need a full time parent. Not a full time celebrity. They do not need to be raised by a nanny, they need parents they can trust to not leave them everyday with someone different. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with leaving your children with a nanny, but when the children have special needs, that is not necessarily the best thing.

    HOWEVER, in this case, she adopted a child who most likely would have been put in the foster care system if they were not adopted. This way, this child was adopted before any lasting damage could be done, which in my opinion, is the best way to go. If these children can be adopted before their lives are absolutely ruined, I say do whatever you can to do so.

    And I think that it is incredibly selfish of anyone to chastise her for adopting under any circumstances. She has given a child a home who would not have had one otherwise. I am well aware of the wait lists that many people spend forever waiting on. I have been on them myself. It sucks. There are no other words for it. However, it is not ANYONE’S place to say that that baby should have gone to someone else, or someone else deserved it more because Joely already has young children. She may have had small children already, but she also had additional love to give, as so many couples do and I feel that that is the ONLY thing that should be taken into account when the decision is being made as to where a child should go. If she had as much love to give as a family that could not have kids, they should be given equal standing. It ends up getting too complicated when you take so many things into account, and it will end up with children going to homes that are not as good, possibly because a family scored higher because they were unable to have children of their own.

    And as I mentioned before, I completely understand the feeling of being saved by your children. However, what do you call it when you are sitting there saying “If I did not take them, they would have died because so many die”? If that is not called saving them than I do not know what is. Trust me, I know the feeling. I wanted to prevent what happened to me from happening to any other child, part of the reason why I adopted. I wanted a child to experience a family who otherwise would not have. What I am saying is I feel Americans as a whole, in all situations, deem themselves as better than the rest of the world, and I feel like we cannot save the world until we start by saving ourselves.

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  23. Andrea

    Mina- If you are truly part of the system, then you know there is a HUGE difference between private adoption where there is voluntary reliquinshment (in this case, at birth) and adoption from foster care, where the parents have lost their right to parent. I think I have those facts pretty straight, if you’re referring to my statement. When I said that Joely Fisher did not adopt from foster care, that did not mean she didn’t adopt domestically. “Domestic adoption” and “adoption from foster care” are not the same thing.

    Also, my son IS an American Citizen. Although he was born in another country, he is now an American Citizen. International adoption does not mean that the child is not a citizen.

    Mina-I respectfully disagree with your last statement. I think you are painting with a VERY broad brush and that’s what I am bothered by. As an American, I don’t think of myself as better than any one else, ESPECIALLY because I chose to adopt internationally. If Angelina Jolie, Madonna, or any other celebrity feels that way, well then, that’s their choice. But for my actions to be judged because of what THEY do is offensive. I also cannot think of one of my friends who have adopted internationally who think of themselves as better than everyone else, especially better than the country we choose to adopt from.

    I wish Joely Fisher and her family the very best. However, if she’s going to be an advocate for “domestic adoption”, please make it very clear that there is a distinction between private adoption and adoption from foster care.

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  24. Anon

    People are so hard on themselves. It doesn’t matter how you adopt a child or bring them into your home, at least, you are doing something. When will the focus be turned to those who abandoned them? not all these kids were in unfortunate or tragic circumstances, some were born and left behind.

    While it is admirable to adopt internationally or domestically, what exactly is happening? why is there no control? why are countries on the verge of poverty or that are poverty-stricken over-populating? Why are people incapable of handling such responsibilities procreating?

    It is not the job of a celebrity or non-celebs to “save” a child, we might avoid having to “save” half these children if more caution is taken and people realise what they are creating. This is not supposed to be some kind of noble act but because of how things are, adoption is now a noble thing.

    Look at David Banda’s father, he abandoned the boy and yes, I wrote abandoned because he couldn’t take care of him then Madonna adopted him but then he went on to marry again and then have another baby. Has his circumstances suddenly improved to get him a new wife and child?

    Adoptive parents, foster parents should stop beating themselves up. At least, you are doing something.

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  25. Holly G

    Mina,

    Have you ever heard of the word “spinning”? I have a hard time believing everything you say based on your comments. I also have a hard time believing that you are so selfish as to only care about the children in the US and not the children around the world who are in much more difficult situations…facing disease, hunger and certain death. Maybe you should take a trip to Guatemala to see for yourself the two and three year old girls selling beads for 12 hours a day or little boys chasing people down the streets to shine shoes for a QUARTER! Or see them begging for money at the supermarket in between picking the lice out of each others hair. I LIVED there for four months and saw this EVERYDAY!

    We ALL think of what would have happened to our children if they weren’t adopted…I think about it EVERYDAY! That does not mean I feel like I “saved” them. I give back to their birth country so that other children might just get some food in their belly or have a roof over their head.

    My children ARE American citizens. They have social security numbers, they have US birth certificates, they are entitled to everything your children are entitled to. Being adopted from another country DOES NOT make them second class citizens.

    Mina, whatever happened to America being the melting pot? I think alot of people in this country are forgetting that we ALL came from another country at some point.

    The world is a big place and we are people of the world. Attitudes like yours are the reason why so many people hate us “selfish Americans”…because we only think about ourselves.

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  26. Mina

    My point is simply that no one has any right to get upset with her for condoning domestic adoptions. I am well aware of the difference between private and foster care adoptions, my point was simply that that child would probably end up in foster care if the private adoption never went through. So she still made a difference in the foster care system.

    All she did was encourage people to adopt domestically. All my point is is that America’s children are in just as great a need as other countries. And I would personally advocate domestic adoption before international adoption. There is nothing i love more than seeing a child from ANYWHERE placed in a home that is better than the one they were in previously.

    Also, I never once said that your son, or anyone else’s is not an American Citizen. All I said was that the definition of domestic adoption is the child was a citizen before the adoption takes place.

    I admire and thank each and every one of you who adopted a child, no matter where they were from. All I was saying is, just as it was better in your mind to adopt internationally, it is better in other people’s minds to adopt domestically. And anyone has the right to condone either one.

    I have explained why I chose to adopt domestically. Joely Fisher explained why she did as well.

    Anon- I completely agree with you. The problems are not just with the system. I do not deal with overseas adoptions at all, so I do not know what other countries are doing, however in the United States, states are beginning to put much more emphasis on getting families the help and counseling that they need to be a functioning reunited family again. It is cheaper to assist the family than it is to keep a child in foster care, so more children are being helped this way. Obviously there are cases where reuniting families is not and never will be possible, such as with cases where the child is removed because of abuse. However, there are way too many cases where children are “abandoned” because the parent was simply feeling overwhelmed at one time, and these are the cases that the new policies help.

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  27. Muriel E.

    Mina,
    I have read all the comments here and while I can understand that you had a rough start to your life in foster care, I really do not think it could ever compare to what my daughter went through. There are no orphanages in the US anymore…what I would not give for my daughter to have been in foster care instead of an orphanage. Even though you did not get your immunizations and learn about college until you were older, you always had food and a safe place to live where people took care of you. If your social worker did not tell you about all the opportunities available to you in this great country of ours then I believe that is a bad social worker not a bad system. I am not saying foster care is ideal by any means but it is better then an orphange…anyhting is better. My daughter had a flat head from being left in her crib 23 hours a day. She had severe rashes on her bottom from being left in her filth, she could barely hold her head up at 8 months, she was tied down to eat and was tied to a potty after eating from 4 months old. In America, this kind of treatment is criminal. In Kazakhstan it is normal. Foster care in the US needs to be changed no doubt but make not mistake that if foster parents here were treating children like my daughter was treated in the orphanage they would be thrown in jail!

    You made the comment that ” the child would probably end up in foster care if the private adoption never went through”. This is just not true. I can e-mail you 30 names off the top of my head of people who are paper ready who would adopt a healthy infant in a second. Joely Fisher is not saving a child…she is simply adopting a child that would have been adopted anyway. Lets call a spade a spade. If you want to make a difference adopt from a country where the children are in orphanages or on the streets or an older child domestic or abroad. Let’s not kid ourselves that adopting a healthy infant in the US is somehow saving anyone.

    Additionally, I would like to note that with great power comes great responsibility. We Americans who have the wonderful opportunity to live in the strongest, greatest country in the world have a responsibility to help those in need…in ANY country…Especially children.

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  28. Stephanie

    Just to get back to the point of Joely Fisher’s baby – that white newborn would never end up in foster care if it was adoptable. There are lines 1000 deep of parents that would take that child.

    Many people who adopt want an infant or a young toddler. They are not adopting to “save” a child – they want to become parents so who can fault them for wanting a child as young as possible?

    While I applaud Joely Fisher for adopting – I think it’s a beautiful way to grow your family whether you have biological children are not – I think it’s disingenuine to say “Go Foster Care Adoptions!” when she herself realized that in order to adopt an infant, you must either do an international adoption or a domestic private relinquishment. That’s the ballgame.

    And while I wish more people would consider adopting an older child from foster care, I think the majority of people who are pursuing adoption are looking for the “parenting experience” and want an infant. And there is nothing wrong with that.

    Maybe under President Obama (who was ostensibly raised by someone other than his parents – even if it was his grandparents) we could shine the light on older child adoption from foster care. But at the same time, let’s not disparage those that want to parent an infant. They are apples and oranges.

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  29. Ashley

    Mina, no one is getting upset over the fact that she adopted domestically. Adoption is such a personal choice – and you, as a supposed mother that has adopted should understand that.

    Unless the birthmother was going to lose the baby to child services, I have a hard time believing that this baby would not have been adopted by another couple.

    It saddens me that you’re putting down international adoption. Why can’t we rejoice that another child has a forever family? I don’t consider my daughter “saved” whatsoever. If I only wanted to “save” a child I would (and do) donate money to helping care for orphans. Although I donate to my daughters birth country, which I’m sure will just piss you off to know about.

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  30. Mina

    did you not read my comment about how great it was that all of you adopted? I commend all of you for doing it. I specifically said that it was amazing.

    Muriel, I am insulted by your ignorant comments. I never once said that conditions in other countries were not horrible. They are. My best friend’s daughter came over from Romania at age 6 with scars all over her body and not speaking any language. Not because she was learning disabled or mentally disabled in any way, but simply because no one spoke to her. Her life would have been horrible if she was left there, if she would have lived at all. However, you are incredibly ignorant if you believe that these things do not happen in the United States to orphans. I have worked with children who cannot stand a human touch because of the abuse they have suffered at the hand of foster parents. They are burned, beaten, and abused in many more ways, many of which are too horrific to write about. I also was insulted by your assumption of what happened to me when I grew up. Unfortunately, foster parents are not being put in jail when they do those sorts of things. Many abusive foster parents are very good at tricking the system just to get teh compensation that comes with being a foster parent. My life was threatened on more than one occasion by a foster parent if I told my social worker that I was not getting more than one meal a day, if I was lucky. The one time I did tell a social worker about the abuses, I was separated from my sister and sent to a place (the home where I was threatened) that was much worse than the one I was leaving. I still have not found my sister, 20 years later. These were just some of the horrors that I experienced. As for orphanages in America, there aren’t any. You are completely correct. They call them “Group Homes”. It sounds better. And if you have seen the inside of some of those group homes, you not be singing the praises of America as much as you are right now.

    What I meant by “if the private adoption did not go through”, i did not mean specifically her adoption. I meant if no one adopted that child (and there is no need to tell me about how there are so many people who would adopt it, i am well aware) it would end up in the foster care system. By adopting infants, families in general are stopping another child from entering the system. And it is wonderful. And it is making a difference.

    I am not saying do not adopt internationally. I am simply trying to bring light to the horrors that are going on in our country as well.

    Stephanie- I pray that Obama will do something about it. I pray anyone will do anything about it.

    Ashley- Wow. I have never been more insulted in my life. I am so in awe that you could be so ignorant of what i am saying. I have repeatedly said that a child is a child and should have a home. I am not against people adopting from other countries. I wish more people would adopt domestically. I think it is awesome that you donate money to the country. I wish more people did.

    You guys need to lay off me and get your facts straight. I am not against adoption of any kind. I wish people would focus on America, but I could not be happier that one more child has a good home.

    Reply
  31. Muriel E.

    …our country could be so much better if we stopped focusing on saving the world and started focusing on saving those around us, who are already americans and deserve just as much of a chance to thrive.

    Americans cannot save the world. we cannot help everyone. we should help those we have here

    These are your words, how can you expect not to piss off adoptive parents who chose to adopt internationally? Who is the ignorant one?

    Reply
  32. Mina

    Personally, from my position, can you judge me for wishing people adopted domestically? I truly wish people would. I wish people would get informed on how horrible things are in this country when they speak of how bad things are in other countries. I am an advocate for domestic adoption.

    And please do not take my quote out of context. I have said several times that I believe that in more areas than just adoption.

    As for your sarcastic question, the answer is still you if you think that what happened to your daughter (which is horrible and disgusting and should never happen to any child anywhere in the world, for the record) does not happen to children in your own neighborhood.

    Reply
  33. Holly G

    Mina,

    What happened to her daughter I’m sure DOES happen here in America BUT in Kazakhstan it is considered the norm, here it isn’t…here it is a crime. I think that is what she was trying to point out. In Kaz orphanages almost ALL babies are tied to a potty after they eat…have you ever seen a picture of it? I have and it’s not pretty.

    You are flip-flopping all over the place and I think you probably have alot of people’s blood boiling over your comments. I think this was the kicker: “but our country could be so much better if we stopped focusing on saving the world and started focusing on saving those around us, who are already americans and deserve just as much of a chance to thrive.”

    EVERYONE I know who has adopted DOES give back to their child’s country either in donations, mission work or both. Maybe if people keep doing stuff like this we will not be viewed as such a selfish nation anymore.

    I have traveled to quite a few different countries and every one I have been to I can tell that Americans are primarily disliked(very much). I have even had someone spit at my feet when they found out I was American. Why??? Because of comments like the one I quoted above. We pay our taxes and we need to trust that the system is going to do it’s job properly but if we find out that it is not or see evidence of it we need to scream like mad. I have called DYFS on more than one person and followed up to make sure something was done about it.

    Why do other countries look down on us? Because Americans look down on them. Not all Americans, but a good amount. Even though we are a country FULL of immigrants we are a very racist nation…racist to everyone who is not American. We need to buck up and start helping those around us…EVERYONE around us, not just Americans.

    Don’t say that we are reading this out of context because clearly we are not. Your statement comes off as “Eff the world, let’s focus on us”.

    I’m assuming that you are going to flip-flop a little more now and tell me how insulted you are. Insulted??? I am insulted! I am insulted that we live in such a selfish nation full of people who are only concerned with themselves.

    Reply
  34. You know, things for kids in American foster care CAN be horrible – I am so sorry you had to go through it – but when you have a country where multiple types of abuse and neglect are the NORM, where children get sick and die from preventable diseases, where they live in an institution with hundreds of other kids and until they learn to walk they are confined to a crib, that is not the same thing as a child being placed in a bad home here. You really cannot compare the two.

    Reply
  35. Lala

    They are both missing the love of a parent though, they have that in common.

    Reply
  36. Mina

    I apologize for my wording of that statement. I am not a racist, however, I really do feel that we need to focus more on our own country. As for what other countries feel about us, I know a lot of people who hate Americans because we feel we are better than everyone else as well. However, they feel we think we are better because we are always interfering in the affairs of other countries.
    And i truly feel that this country could be better if more people were adopting domestically. Not because there would be fewer immigrants or fewer children of different races, but because children who are living the united states will be out of group homes and foster care. they will experience the love of a family too.

    Reply
  37. Mina

    I have read that. Thank you for the link though, I was very interested to read it.

    One thing that that article does not deal with is whether or not those wanting to adopt were approved to adopt. Foster care children need more attention than most children do, so there are a lot of things that go into the decision. For instance, there is a great demand for stay at home parents. Unfortunately many of the people who apply to adopt are single women looking to start a family. Please do not take this as me saying two parent households are better than one parent households, because I am well aware that they are not. I hold both equally. However, in single parent households, the parent has to work so much that it is very difficult to be able to manage a foster care child.

    Please know that I am in contact with several Senators and U.S. Representatives, lobbying for the cause. I want nothing more than more families being approved and more of these children finding loving permanent homes.

    Reply
  38. gk

    My husband and I are considering adoption. We have 2 sons and wanted to do something humanitarian and adopt our 3rd rather than add to the population explosion. We looked into domestic adoption, but felt most comfortable adopting from Armenia. I am Armenian. It felt right. Then, thanks to the internet, I came across dozens and dozens of articles and posting saying how selfish international adoption was. Why adopt outside when you can save a child right here? It got me so confused, upset, and now–to the point where I don’t even want to adopt. My parents tried to adopt from foster care and ended up with a 2 year old boy who was physically abusive. He had been neglected and that is why he was taken away from his parents. He never recovered and was violent with me and my parents. My parents gave him to another couple to adopt for fear of my own safety. I know this may not happen to me, but I cannot risk this.

    I want to not even adopt because if I am unwilling to adopt domestically I am not doing any good. Then I thought about it some more. I just want another baby and I am not going to be selfish enough and just populate the world with my offspring. I don’t want to be a hero. I want to find the child who will be the best fit for my family. She is not in America. Sorry. Call me selfish.

    Reply
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