“I definitely thought about it long and hard, about if I wanted to keep the baby or not, and I wasn’t thinking about adoption,” the 30-year-old reality show star tells PEOPLE exclusively. “I do think every woman should have the right to do what they want, but I don’t think it’s talked through enough. I can’t even tell you how many people just say, ‘Oh, get an abortion.’ Like it’s not a big deal.”
The baby’s father, Kourtney’s boyfriend Scott Disick, 26, was very supportive of her decision either way: “He wanted me to talk about it more, but I just kept to myself,” she says. “He said, ‘I really want you to keep it, but I will support you whatever you decide to do.'” Kourtney and Scott had split up in November after a two year relationship, but recently reconciled after learning that she was pregnant.
Kourtney reached out to her best friend for advice: “”I called my best friend crying, and I was like, ‘I don’t know what to do.’ She said, ‘Call your doctor, and at least find out the risks and stuff.’” The actress then discussed abortion with her doctor and researched the option on the Internet.
“I looked online, and I was sitting on the bed hysterically crying, reading these stories of people who felt so guilty from having an abortion. I was reading these things of how many people are traumatized by it afterwards.”
These stories were enough for Kourtney to realize that abortion was not an option for her: “”I was just sitting there crying, thinking, ‘I can’t do that,’ ” she says. “And I felt in my body, this is meant to be. God does things for a reason, and I just felt like it was the right thing that was happening in my life.”
Kourtney tells PEOPLE that she then did some “intense soul-searching”: “For me, all the reasons why I wouldn’t keep the baby were so selfish: It wasn’t like I was raped, it’s not like I’m 16. I’m 30 years old, I make my own money, I support myself, I can afford to have a baby. And I am with someone who I love, and have been with for a long time.”
She also says that though she went to others for advice, her decision was hers alone and that was the most important: “I really wanted to think it through for myself, and not hear what my sisters were saying, or what Scott was saying. Even though I took it all in, I wanted it to be my decision,” says Kourtney. “My doctor told me there is nothing you will ever regret about having the baby, but he was like, ‘You may regret not having the baby.’ And I was like: That is so true. And it just hit me. I got so excited, and when I told Scott he was so excited. But I think if I had said I’m not going to keep it, I really think he would have pushed me into keeping it.”
On Thursday (August 13) The Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami star revealed in an appearance on NBC’s Today Show that her baby is due in December.