Kelly Ripa: "You Work On Your Marriage The Same Way You Work At Your Job"

With their 14th wedding anniversary coming up next year, Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos have one of Hollywood's longest and, by all accounts, happiest marriages. In a new interview with Redbook magazine the 39-year-old Live with Regis and Kelly host is full of praise for her very handsome husband ("That gorgeousness, those teeth, that jet black hair..."), with whom she has kids Michael, 12, Lola, 8, and Joaquin, 6. The busy mom dishes on everything from dealing with "Mommy guilt" to her golden rule for her kids - and also shares her best advice for a long-lasting relationship.

On dealing with Mommy guilt: "Initially, we would never leave the kids alone with a babysitter. But then Mark would say, 'We are going out to dinner,' and I would say, 'Without the kids?' And he would say, 'Yes. Because that's what grown-ups do.' It was something he forced me to do, and now I think to myself, The kids will be thrilled. They know the babysitter is going to let them watch TV and eat cookies. So that's the balance Mark introduced to me. I know there are people who are good at dealing with this stuff, but I think the majority of women feel tremendous guilt."

On being a work in progress: "There are still nights when, if I'm feeling really guilty about leaving the kids, I'll pick a fight with Mark over having nothing to wear. Which is a lie. I'm like, 'I'm not going! My throat hurts! I have nothing to wear!' And he'll say, 'Which is it?' I'm like, 'I have nothing to wear and, yes, I think my throat may be hurting soon.' We're evolving."

On making time for marriage: "A date night for us is watching Top Chef. A date night for us is getting our kids asleep before 9:30! It's really just about checking in, asking how the other person's day is, and cuddling up. It doesn't have to lead to anything, although it usually does. But it doesn't have to. Sometimes, Mark will wake up in Joaquin's bed, and I'll wake up in Lola's tiny bed feeling like a contortionist and saying, 'I'm in pain and why is there a dog on my head?'"

On being in it for the long haul: "The first year of marriage is so tough, and we fought constantly, these tiny things becoming big accusations. Then we looked at each other one day and said, 'We're in this for the long haul, so let's make it fun.' It's not that it's not going to be work. You work on your marriage the same way you work at your job. But we have friends who have gotten divorced over tiny things that spiral out of control, and no one was willing to reach out, take the other person's hand, and say, 'I'm not going anywhere.' And sometimes it can be that simple. We argue, but we have an allegiance to each other, and we have beautiful children, and from what I hear, divorce sucks. It's not something I think I have the fortitude to go through."

On her best relationship advice: "My girlfriends and I talk about this a lot. The more, let's say, affection - the more you do it, the more you do it. The more you reach out and hold that person's hand, the more it's going to happen. The less you do it, the less you do it. That includes everything from intimacy to hand-holding and kissing. I say reach out and grab your husband's hand every once in a while. Even if he's wrong and he makes you sick. Because a little bit of that gets you a little bit of a back rub, which gets a little bit of 'You look pretty today.'"

On never being recognized: "On camera it's all about glamorous makeup and hair, but in real life I don't look glamorous at all. And I don't have an easily recognizable face. I look like most women my age in a ponytail. So I go through my life kind of unnoticed, and it's great because it allows me to focus on my kids. My husband, he smiles and it's unmistakable. That gorgeousness, those teeth, that jet black hair.... Whenever I'm with him, I'm like, 'You're going to blow our cover!' I am 100 percent on that bandwagon — he's so cute and he's so great, too. But when people do notice us, they're so kind. My kids are like, 'People are so nice.'"

On the importance of good manners: "As far as my family, there's only one rule in my house, and that's that my kids must be polite to other people. You can get so caught up in your own world that you're not aware of other people and how you're affecting them. I'm the biggest offender, but I want better for my kids, so I demand that they are polite. The art of please and thank you never goes out of style. I've had thank-you notes made up for them, and when they complain that they don't have lines on them to make it easier to write, I literally get out a ruler and draw the lines."

On how her family gives her perspective: "Children teach you really fast that you're not the center of the universe. And my husband is extraordinarily honest and one of the most direct people on the planet. He handles his life in a way that I find admirable and inspirational. He can make decisions in a snap that are somehow still thoughtful, weighing his options and then saying, 'We're going with option A.' I, meanwhile, agonize over what kind of pasta we're going to have. Angel hair or linguine? I can spend four hours on that conversation alone."