“Love is messy,” says singer Jewel – and it gets even messier after a baby comes along.
In her new iVillage blog, the singer admits that she and her husband Ty Murray hit a bit of a bumpy patch after they welcomed their son Kase last year.
‘Oh my gosh, having a baby brought me and my husband so much closer!’ ‘There is nothing like the way your husband will look at you once you have his child!'” she writes. “Have you heard that a lot? Well, its bologna. At it least it was for Ty and me.”
At first, Jewel says, all went according to plan, but after a few “fairytale” weeks, “it dawned on me that I had no clue what I was doing, and I think Ty had his own fears too.”
Before long, as both worked to figure out their roles as mom and dad, Jewel says they’d unknowingly started to drift apart.
“We became two continents that began to migrate…a continental drift… so slow, so subtle. We were together in the same house, in the same bed, we spoke all day long, we cared for the baby together, we were happy, but we couldn’t be further apart. We failed to redefine ourselves as a couple who were now parents as well. It was like a force greater than us was working itself out, and we were helpless but to be pushed until we stopped and redefined, renamed ourselves as a couple. We were no longer the land of Jewel and Ty anymore — we were a new country entirely, a new and exciting continent.”
Fortunately, her story has a happy ending. Once they managed to let go of their sometimes unrealistic expectations of parenthood and of each other, they found that their baby boy really did bring them closer.
“… this has led us to being closer, and in a more profound way than we ever were before. That’s something I’m so grateful for. We just had to get rid of the fantasies that were coming between us first.”