Tori Spelling is breaking her silence.
In December 2013, news broke that her husband of seven years, Dean McDermott, 47, had cheated on her with 28-year-old Emily Goodhand earlier that month. Now the mom-of-four, 40, talks to Us about the scandal and the fragile state of their union.
“He was my soulmate, but he completely broke my heart,” the Beverly Hills, 90210 alum says of her estranged husband, with whom she has four kids, Liam, 7, Stella, nearly 6, Hattie, 2, and Finn, 20 months. “It makes you not trust anything that’s happened in your relationship.”
The actress opens up just prior to her upcoming Lifetime docu-series, True Tori, which hits the small screen on April 22.
On why she is documenting their marital breakdown on TV, Tori says, “I feel so judged, but it’s not black and white.”
Meanwhile, friends of Tori talk to PEOPLE about their troubled pal.
“The decision to do this show is not coming from someone who is in a solid, good place. Tori is very, very upset and angry,” says a longtime friend of the actress. “It’s just too raw and personal. There’s too much pain and it’s too private.”
“A part of her wants to completely humiliate him and make him suffer in front of millions of people,” adds the insider. “She wants to have some sort of justice. She wants him to truly feel the pain of what he did to her.”
The couple began filming just days after Dean left rehab for sex addiction and will continue shooting for six episodes.
A friends says the show “was all Tori’s idea.” The pal adds: “She’s in a total crisis mode. If she can believe that his addiction has nothing to do with her, then maybe they can move on. But there’s no way Dean wants to be humiliated on television for cheating on his wife. His life is basically a nightmare.”
In the series, viewers will see Dean pleading Tori to let him return to their house after rehab. “My life means nothing if you’re not in it,” he says to her.
A source says Dean is staying at their home, but only for the sake of the couple’s four young children.
“They are focused on their kids,” adds the source. “Tori doesn’t consider her and Dean back together.”
As for their marriage, “Dean will do anything Tori says right now,” says a source. “And what better way to ensure that he will never cheat on her after this? I don’t think he’d ever want to go through this again.”